8 Things I Wish My Husband Knew
Marriage teaches us so much about ourselves. Things that you never thought were there, all of sudden reveals themselves. On top of that you are now learning the person you said “I do” to.
Two people from two different backgrounds, lifestyles, and perspectives come into one home to become one. Understanding each other becomes a lifelong task.
Over time you learn humility and wisdom are the greatest tools you can possess as a spouse.
As a wife I have learned part of using wisdom and humility is learning when and how to pick our battles.
Sometimes the battle we wrestle with most in a marriage is misunderstanding.
Misunderstanding of our spouse and of a situation can lead us into a place of a harden heart and loss of perspective.
To be absolutely real with you, there have been many nights I have stomped to my room to take a conflict to the Lord and muttered the words, “If he only knew!”
“If he only knew, then the discussion wouldn’t have became a conflict.”
“If he only knew then I wouldn’t be this upset.”
“ If he only knew then he would know how much I truly meant well.”
As wives we sometimes wish our husbands could see our passion for our marriage. We think that if they do, then they would understand us more and why we do the things we do.
Over the years there have been eight specific things I wished my husband knew. I always thought, if he knew these things he would understand me more.
Here are 8 Things I wish my husband knew:
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When I am upset it is not always about that moment.
Have you ever had a day that everything you thought you had under control is all of sudden not?
After a long day your husband sees you burn dinner and your patience being tested. Your husband tries to comfort you and says dinner will be ok, but when you snap back without intention to, it easily turns to disappointment from both sides.
The moment of weakness then becomes about that moment.
You hope to rationally explain to your husband that it was not that you burned dinner, but about your week building up.
Trying to spare him from unnecessary complaints were forcing you to keep your emotions buried till you just couldn’t handle it any longer.
[clickToTweet tweet=”It’s not always about the moment of reaction, it is sometimes about the build up.” quote=”It’s not always about the moment of reaction, it is sometimes about the build up.”]
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One touch can change the world around me.
No matter the situation, somehow one tender compassionate touch from my husband can literally change the world around me. Every time my husband takes a moment to hold me, my entire countenance changes.
Everything I thought was falling apart is no longer falling apart.
About 80% of the time my husband will initiate the great compassionate touch by wrapping his arms around me. The other 20% of the time I wish he would hurry and do it.
But you know what I learned?
My husband sometimes needs me to be the one to wrap my arms around him.
Sometimes our husbands need it more than us. By doing this we are expressing great humility in our marriage.
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I pray often for you.
Although I would like my husband to know I pray for him daily, I know the prayers have to stay between me and God. I am not praying for my husband to proudly tell him about it.
[clickToTweet tweet=”I pray for my husband because it is my calling as a wife.” quote=”I pray for my husband because it is my calling as a wife.”]
I reverence my relationship with God to be able to build my husband up through prayer, but sometimes I wish he knew I am praying fervently for him and he is not alone.
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Sex is not the same as making love.
Do you ever feel like you just need to make love?
It’s not always about the physical satisfaction, it’s sometimes about the intimate personal satisfaction.
Marriage needs intimacy.
This is part of becoming one with your spouse.
God created us to have sex but He desires us to make love.
He wants us to have a deeper understanding of who each other is as husband and wife. Making love is only meant for the person you love.
Anyone can have sex, but making love is between two people God united.
Don’t get me wrong, sex is great but I want the deeper level of it. I want to understand and know my husband in a way that no one else can.
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I rather have conflict with you than not talk to you.
There was a point in my marriage when I was completely ok with shutting down. I was able to go days without talking to my husband.
By doing that I caused hurt, because I ignored his efforts to reconcile conflicts.
The Lord convicted me.
I am to build up my husband and to bring peace to the home, not sorrow.
“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 2:19.
There is more reward in communication than to make my husband desire the rooftop. I desire my husband to know this so he could understand the change more.
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Sometimes I do just need time alone.
My husband is a problem solver.
I love this about him, but not when I need time alone.
Sometimes the only person that can get me to understand a situation is God.
I had to learn how to relay this to my husband.
I want him to know it is not about him, but it’s about me seeking God first. Problem solving our conflicts does not give me long lasting momentum like it does for him.
Sometimes I just need to sit and dwell in the presence of God.
For the first few years of marriage I wish he just knew that about me. I would think if he did, then he would not think it was against him but instead for us.
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I trust you.
In my marriage one thing I love most is the trust.
I have been in a marriage that was completely devoured by lack of trust.
When God restored me and gave me my husband, He completely showed me His power in marriage.
It is important to me that he knows that I trust him.
Trust brings unity even through the toughest times of marriage. If we are confident in the trust of our marriage, we are more willing to sacrifice and submit unto each other.
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You are worth fighting for.
Have you ever wondered if you worth fighting for? I have.
A past that includes divorce can do this to you.
Divorce can leave you with a multitude of questions about being enough.
This is something that I had to break free from. I could not bring my past into my marriage, but in all honesty my husband makes it easy for those thoughts to not enter.
He makes me feel worth fighting for and because of that I hope he always know he is worth fighting for. Even through the toughest time I hope he will always know this.
Although those are eight things I wish my husband knew, the reality is that he may never know. As a wife it is important that I do not concentrate on what he should know, but I concentrate on the humility and wisdom that God desires for us to use in marriage.
Today, I encourage you to seek God and ask Him to reveal what using humility and wisdom is in your marriage.
About the Author:
Carmen Brown is the creator of Married by His Grace blog. She actively writes to women who are desiring to build their home with the word of God. Her passions involve staying connected with her family, drinking an immense amount of coffee daily, and developing content that will help and encourage new Christian Bloggers. You can connect with Carmen on her blog, Instagram, and Pinterest.
I love the “hug challenge” idea that went out a few years ago. The idea was to hug your significant other for no less than 30 seconds before heading out the door that day and no less than 30 before going to bed. It really is an instant stress reliever. I too want to know I’m worth fighting for and still struggle with this in my circumstances. Ultimately the Lord already won the most difficult battle over sin and death but it’s nice to feel it with our earthly relationships too.
Visiting from testimony Tues!
That’s a great challenge, Deanna! I’m not really a touchy feely person, but I do need hugs every day!! And my husband is touchy feely so I have to be more aware of that! Thanks for visiting today!
Well said, Carmen! I loved this post. I feel the same about so much of what you said. Your closing statement was right on, the most important thing is focusing on the humility and wisdom God desires for us to use in marriage. Thank you for this encouragement.
I think we all have things we wish our husbands knew, but are really not something you just bring up in conversation. And you are right on that what we need is humility and wisdom for our marriage.
So much wisdom in here! Yes, I have thought many of these “if he knew” concepts- and have been blessed to be able to share them with my husband and hear his versions back. Thank the Lord miscommunications don’t have to be perpetual!
Great post! I especially liked the line “I am to build up my husband and to bring peace to the home, not sorrow.” Great reminder. So glad I found you on the Grace and Truth linkup!
Thank you Alisa for allowing me to guest post. You truly inspire me as a writer and sister in Christ. I am blessed and honored to be able to do Gods work with you!
Wow! Thank you for sharing. Silly me, for not realizing that a divorce can make someone feel as though they’re not enough. It’s all CRYSTAL clear to me now. My husband and I have been married for four years. His ex-wife, of two years, cheated on him while he was deployed. I am thankful that no more time has passed before I realized this. I will be extra careful to ensure he knows he is enough for me.
What a great revelation, Stacie!! I love how God opens our eyes to these truths. What a blessing this one will be for your marriage!
What a great post Carmen! I agree one hundred percent with you! My love language is affirmation and touch so when the one I love hugs me everything about my day, my week changes.